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Youth & High School
Open Letter to Youth Soccer Parents By Michael Jones
April 1, 2003
The spring travel season will soon be upon us, and I have just completed the F License coaching course that the MYSA recently offered in my home town. One thing the instructor suggested is that coaches give a talk or write a letter to their players' parents before the start of the season to set the tone, and give them an idea of expected behavior. As one who believes that the printed word is often more effective than the spoken word, I thought I would give readers a sneak preview of the letter I've been working on for the parents of my U-8 girls team.
Dear parents,
I hope your kids are enjoying the indoor games and practices we have had this winter. It has been nice for them to get a chance to play together and get to know each other before the outdoor season begins. I think we have a wonderful group of kids, and I can already see improvements in their understanding of the game. I would like to think that this is all thanks to their brilliant and insightful coach, but the fact is, they would probably have improved just as much as if they had just played pick up games in the playground.
We will soon be able to train outdoors in preparation for the spring travel season that begins in March. I wanted to go over a few of my coaching philosophies with you, and offer some guidelines as to the kind of input I'll be hoping to get from parents on the sidelines during games.
When we registered our kids for this team back in December, we were all asked to sign an official-looking MYSA form that pledged good behavior, sporting conduct and courtesy to referees, opposing coaches, parents, and players. In short, we all promised not to act like jerks, which I hope is a given among responsible parents of seven-year-olds. I would like to go a step further than that, though, and try and get you to think a little about the kind of support you are giving to your kids during games.
As someone who played thousands of soccer games as a kid, and yet can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times my parents saw me play, I am often bemused by parental support of rec. and travel soccer here in the US. I'm sure that those of you who played sandlot baseball or pond hockey also fondly remember times when kids played sports unencumbered by the very real pressures of parent spectators. Now, don't get me wrong, it's great to have you at games, and we certainly need the car-pooling help. But we all need to think a little about what effect the addition of even an impeccably behaved parent on the sidelines can have on a child's ability to learn this sport.
At the few games we played at the Dome in the winter, I saw some parents on the other side of the arena “supporting” their kids by telling them what to do. That's a big no, no in my coaching manual. As a coach, I try never to yell specific instructions to the players during a game. Instead, I tend to ask questions of them, such as “who's in the middle?” or “can you find the open player?” or “who's getting back on defense?” I believe this encourages the players to think for themselves rather than blindly obeying instructions from the coach.
Yelling “Shoot, Jenny, shoot” to a player who is approaching the goal with the ball does a number of destructive things. First, it tells every player on the opposing team that Jenny is about to shoot, therefore lessening considerably her chances of success. Secondly, it makes Jenny feel she has no choice but to shoot, and that if she doesn't shoot, she is somehow letting the team down. Worst of all, it let's Jenny off the hook. Now she doesn't have to actually think and make a decision herself about what to do. All she has to do is obey the instruction.
For kids of this age, obeying instructions from an adult comes far more naturally to them than making decisions of their own. But soccer is a sport where the players have to make the decisions themselves, literally thousands of small split-second decisions every game. The younger they start, the better.
So please don't yell specific instructions to players during games.
Giving the players important information can also be detrimental to their development as players and a team. You may think you're being helpful when to yell “man on” to the player with the ball, or “number five is open” on a corner kick, but it's their teammates' job to do that. One thing I am always trying to do is encourage the kids to talk to each other. I recently coached a U-17 girls team for a session of indoor play. Like typical teenage girls they would show up to each game and chat endlessly about their boyfriends, their teachers, their homework, their hair, you name it. Their “brilliant and insightful coach” barely had a chance to get a word in edgeways. But put them on the soccer field and it was suddenly as if they didn't even know each other.
I have a theory that the reason they couldn't communicate at sixteen or seventeen, is because they always had adults yelling at them when they were playing as kids. Now that enough of them can drive that adults don't need to take them to games anymore, they find it hard to adjust to that verbal void that the parents have left.
I would like us to let the players get into the habit of talking to each other. Eventually, even at this young age, leaders will emerge, and they will tell the others what they need to know and where they need to stand. I already have an idea of who the leaders on this team are going to be. Let's encourage those leadership skills as much as we encourage their soccer skills.
Yelling encouragement is okay, but even then, be careful what you encourage, particularly if you don't know a lot about soccer. I remember a game when a talented U-10 player dribbled past three players and nailed a shot that went just a few inches over the crossbar. All the parents on the sideline, as well as the assistant coaches were cheering and clapping and yelling, “Unlucky, Johnny”. It was only myself and the head coach, who happened to be the boy's soccer-playing father, who were shaking our heads wondering what on earth the child was thinking.
You see, this player was a notch higher in talent-level than most of his rec. soccer teammates. Anyone watching carefully would have noticed him getting gradually more frustrated as the game went on. Eventually, he lost patience entirely with the rest of his team, picked up the ball on the sideline, tried to take on the entire defense, and rushed a shot from an impossible angle when he had three teammates wide open in front of goal. Two minutes later, his coach substituted him and had a quiet word with him on the importance of teamwork.
I also remember a conversation I had about a player on this very team.
“I thought so-and-so had a good game today,” I said.
“She did okay, but she seems a little timid on tackles when she plays defense,” said my colleague.
“On the contrary,” said I. “Knowing when not to over-commit shows considerable maturity for such a young player. I was very impressed with how well she read the game.”
Ask yourself before you yell encouragement. Are you cheering an unlucky shot or a petulant ball hog? Are you cheering a tough tackler or a reckless decision-maker? Have you even been watching the game closely enough to know the difference?
I'm not an advocate of so-called “Silent Sundays” that some youth soccer organizations across the country have implemented from time to time. That is where parents are instructed to say absolutely nothing for the entire duration the game. Soccer should be fun, and a little background noise adds to the enjoyment, in my opinion. But parents need to realize that things that are shouted from the sidelines really do affect the players, particularly at this young age. In general, I would like to hear parents cheer goals scored, commiserate goals conceded, cheer good saves for either keeper, because anyone who plays goal deserves a little more support, and applaud at the end of each half of play. Heck, you can even do a Mexican wave, if you like. But please leave all other comments to the coaches and the players.
I hope you and your child enjoy the season, and develop the kind of love for this game that I have had for over thirty years.
Sincerely
Michael Jones
Head Coach
This article first appeared in the February, 2003 edition of Soccer New England. If you would like to see stories like this on a monthlay basis, as well as features, interviews, and all the latest soccer news from around New England, click on the "subscribe to print mag" icon to the left of this story.
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